This past December, Shirley Manson made headlines when she criticized a member of the audience who brought a beach ball to Garbage’s set at Good Things music festival in Melbourne, Australia.

“Guy with your big f*cking beach ball,” she said, frustrated. “Ooh, I’m so scared of you. So thrilled by you. What a f*cking douchebag.”

Following the concert, Manson took to social media to double down on her remarks, writing in part: “I make NO APOLOGIES whatsoever for getting annoyed at beachballs at shows. I joined a band because I HATED THE F*CKING BEACH. […] I love the musical community and I want to respect their artistry. I am so tired of folks taking music for free and treating us all like circus performers.”

Now, in a new interview with NME, Manson addressed her anti–beach ball rant, explaining that the outburst was partly fueled by the fact that she was still mourning her father.

“I was astounded by the intensity of criticism,” she said. “To be fair, I lost my composure. My dad died on October 3, I’d been touring solidly since and it was now December. Clearly, I should have been at home but I carried on working. It was a bad call, but it [was] something I had agreed upon with my dad. I had just buried him the week before.”

Manson continued: “This is not an excuse, I’m just saying that I lost my composure. People are human, they make bad errors of judgement, I made a bad error of judgement and I shouldn’t have gone off like that. But you would have thought I’d have killed a f*cking baby! There were calls for me to be deported from Australia. It was ludicrous. In the end they got so hysterical in their desire to punish me that the whole thing turned around.

“Sh*t happens. I just felt bad for my band as 100 beach balls came sailing over the crowd the following day. Luckily for us, we all have a really good sense of humour. We knew it was coming and already called it. I’m sure there will be hundreds of beach balls for the rest of our career.”